Crossing Nexis Read online

  “By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the break-in.” His palms were warm and dry.

  “You mean my room?” I asked, my voice squeaking.

  “No, there’s been another break-in.” Harlixton came closer, his face softening a crack. “Some valuable books and artifacts were stolen from my office, along with an extra key to this library. We have no doubt this is their next target. Especially with the skeleton key they stole from your room.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, staring down at my snow boots.

  “No, dear, it’s my fault. I never should’ve let you have it so long.” He lifted my chin with one finger. His eyes held my gaze, strong and steady as if he was trying to brace me. For something else.

  I squinted at him, trying to read his expression. “What do you think they’re planning?”

  His stare didn’t waver. “I’m sure they’re looking for the tunnel. And most likely they’ll find it.”

  I stared at the dark corner of the turret, where the secret entrance lay hidden in shadow. A vision, or more like a memory, played through my mind. A glowing amethyst, hidden behind the back shelf. It felt like a dream I had long ago. I shook off the memory.

  “So what does that mean, we’ll have to meet somewhere else?” I asked, trying to reorient myself in the present.

  He steepled his hands, apparently unfazed. “For starters.”

  I cocked my head at him. “But that’s not what you’re arguing about, is it?”

  “I’m afraid not.” He shook his head, squeezing my hand much like my dad would do if he were here. “You see, the Guardian council is worried. They have a new plan to get the vital information we need to properly defend ourselves. But it’s a bit tricky.”

  “You mean like spying on them?” The words tumbled out before my mind caught up, my subconscious more aware than I wanted to admit.

  “Very perceptive, I must say.” His mouth curled slightly.

  I choked on my own breath, spitting out the words anyway. “What does this have to do with me?”

  “I think you already know.” He pushed up his glasses, and leveled his gaze at me. “We’ll need you to be our covert operative. It’s the only way.”

  Bile oozed in my churning stomach, gurgling up my throat. I just stared at Harlixton like an idiot. Did he have any idea what he was asking of me?

  “So, what, are you saying Shanda’s spying isn’t good enough?” I clapped my hand over my mouth before I revealed anything else about our secret plan.

  “Maybe you’re more than just perceptive. However, I’m afraid that option isn’t enough anymore.” He threw up his arms, dropping my hands. “There’s no way Nexis would reveal their most guarded secrets to a new recruit. Not like they would for you. By now you should know they’d do anything to have you on their side.”

  “It’s not gonna work. I’m a terrible liar. Really awful.” Something gurgled deep inside me, red-hot as a poker. The ghost of a branding iron that once burned my skin.

  “That may be true, but you’re actually not bad at acting.” Bryan peeked at me out of the corner of his eye.

  His words shocked me. Somehow, he’d crossed the room to stand by my side, and I never even noticed.

  So I turned the anger on him. “Because I did two years of drama club back at Alton High, you think I could fool Nexis? I highly doubt it.”

  He dug his fingers into his hair. “I’m not saying I like the idea of you putting yourself in their greedy little clutches. But at least you’ve got a shot. You’re the only one who does.”

  “So what am I supposed to do? Knock on the observatory door and say ‘Hey, by the way, I want to join Nexis now?’” The realization sank in, digging its claws deep. The whole time, this was the real reason why the Guardians wouldn’t let me join. They wanted me to be their little Seer Spy. The threat of war with Nexis was just an excuse. Another lie.

  Fury roared up inside me, a captive force finally set free.

  The snowflakes. The vision. Angel tried to warn me.

  “Not exactly.” Harlixton stepped between us. No doubt the anger was written all over my face. “First you’ll have to break up with your boyfriend. Publicly.”

  “What? You can’t be serious.” Something snapped inside me. My knees buckled. “Bryan, are you okay with this?”

  Harlixton droned on, “Once you break up with Bryan, you’ll have to befriend Will. Make him think you’re on his side now.”

  And the hits just kept coming. How could this possibly be the best plan? I glanced at Bryan, but he wouldn’t even look at me. Like I wasn’t even there anymore. Standing two feet away.

  I sidestepped Harlixton, closing the gap between me and Bryan. “This sounds a little too much like what happened with your ex-girlfriend. Colleen.”

  “Will’s not interested in her.” His jaw hardened, still unable to face me. “He’s into you.”

  What a slap to the face. I stumbled backward, reeling inside. I had no words. I couldn’t deny that. It was the truth. He knew it. I knew it. Everybody knew it. The wall of denial crumbled around me, flooding waves of guilt that puddled at my feet.

  But I had to know. “Please tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

  Bryan turned his electric gaze on me. Finally. “All you have to do is make him believe you’re interested. You don’t have to feel anything. For my sake, I hope you don’t.”

  “What is happening here?” My heart beat itself against my ribcage as if it could explode any second. “You want me to breakup with you, then pretend to be into your enemy just so I can use him for some stupid intel? I can’t believe you’re going along with this crazy plan.”

  “I don’t want to do this anymore than you do.” He reached for me, fingers tracing my jawline.

  “Then don’t,” I whispered, the words all but strangling me. I promised myself I wouldn’t beg, but here I was. Breaking that promise.

  “I have no choice,” he breathed.

  And my heart burst open. Obliterated in tiny fragments. Dying embers of a love I thought we shared.

  Soon those sparks would fizzle out and die. Turn to ice. It was happening already. I couldn’t stop it now.

  Only he could stop it.

  “Of course you have a choice.” My breath wobbled in my throat, but I had to say it. “You can choose me.”

  “Lucy, hold up.” His hand traveled down my arm, making me shiver. “This only has to be a public breakup. We can still technically be together.”

  Salt stung my eyes, but I choked it back. “You mean talk on the phone, but never see each other in person? I don’t want to hide. We shouldn’t have to. Do you really think that’s what I want?”

  “Sweetie, I’ll do whatever you say.” His arms circled me now. Squeezing me, fingers running down my hair, cheek pressed against my forehead. “Anything to make this easier on you.”

  “I want you to fight for me,” I whispered into his neck.

  A shudder racked his body. He shook his head. “I can’t go against the council. What they say goes. I’m sorry, Lucy.” He pulled back, eyes searching my face. “Please, anything else.”

  “I shouldn’t even have to ask you to fight for me.” Pressure built behind my eyes. I steeled my jaw. “Who do you Guardians think you are? You can’t ban me from joining, then try to turn me into a spy. I won’t do it. You’re going to lose the Seer. For good this time.”

  It was all I had left to hurl at him. An empty, hollow threat that meant nothing. I couldn’t take it anymore. One more second with this Bryan, the resolved statue, and I’d really lose it. More than just my heart would explode. My anger, even my sanity, might just erupt, too.

  I had to get out of there. Away from him.

  I took off running.

  Out the door. Down the hall.

  His voice floated after me. “Lucy, come back.”

  The guy I loved was calling to me.

  But I couldn’t answer, couldn’t go back.

  ***


  Run. Run. Run. All I wanted to do was run. Down the hall. Into the sanctuary. Through the candlelit foyer. Lungs heaving. I couldn’t stop now, not for anything. I pushed open the stubborn old door. Flew down the steps. Legs spinning. Churning.

  But I forgot. The steps were ragged. I tripped on a rough edge. Crumpled to my knees. Face-planting into the pavement, hands first.

  An evil laugh skittered to my ears. From somewhere in the night. The final nail in the coffin of my humiliation.

  “Walk much, dipstick? So pathetic.” Colleen. Of course she was here tonight.

  More laughter circled around me. Daggers dripping with familiar venom. Hurled at my back.

  Because I couldn’t get up now, not even to face them.

  That high-pitched snicker had to be Monica, the lower rumble Kevin’s. They were the really pathetic ones.

  How could this be happening again? The heartbreak, the humiliation. All. Over. Again.

  All because I was born as the Seer, with this stupid gift everyone wanted. Or wanted to use. Not me. I never asked for this.

  I couldn’t hold back the dam anymore. Tears streamed rivulets down my cheeks. The salt was refreshing. Almost.

  “Lucy are you okay?” A familiar hand reached down, pulling me up into her ebony arms. “No, you’re not. What happened?”

  Shanda’s dark eyes darted around the quad, landing on the Nexis trio. “You’re seriously just going to stand there and laugh, right now? Get outta here.”

  “And miss the show?” Colleen stepped forward, her brassy hair swishing in the moonlight. “No way.”

  “You’re pathetic, you know?” Shanda slung her arm across my shoulder.

  “Funny, I was just saying the same thing about your little friend there.” Colleen practically spat out the words.

  “Burn.” Kevin yelled. It echoed off every building in the quad.

  Shanda rolled her eyes and urged me forward. “Are you hurt? Do we need to stop by the nurse’s office?”

  I could only shake my head.

  Footsteps pounded behind me. Down the steps. Across the pavement. My heart thumping the same rhythm.

  “Lucy, what happened?” Bryan’s hand reached for mine.

  “Don’t.” I shook him off and clung tighter to Shanda. Not turning around for a second.

  He ran in front of us and palmed his hand into my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. “Listen, I’m sorry it had to go down like that. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Well, it’s too late. You did.” I couldn’t look at him. I just stared at his shoes. Black converse, too thin for January. I hoped he got a cold from this. Something to remember me by.

  “C’mon, don’t be this way.” He gulped, Adam’s apple bobbing. “We can still be friends.”

  I was dead wrong. Those words were the final nails in the coffin. He was going through with the Guardian plan. Blow by excruciating blow. Step one, public break-up. Check.

  How could he choose them over me? My boyfriend. The guy who said he loved me. The guy who rescued me from my ex and the minions who fought with him. He’d scooped me up, saved me from the fight, made me feel so safe. How could leave me so unprotected now?

  I jerked my head, finally daring to look at him. “No we can’t. It’s over.”

  A collective gasp punctuated the air. A note of finality hung in the frigid night air, then everything went silent.

  His forehead scrunched up. Something glistened in his eyes. Tears? Maybe he finally realized what he’d done.

  Now that it was too late.

  No one, not even Shanda, said a word.

  Bryan breathed in deep, exhaled a long breath. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m so sorry, Lucy.”

  A lone tear dripped down my cheek.

  His finger stretched out to wipe it away. I almost leaned into his hand.

  But we both stopped. Mid-air.

  He backed up, converse crunching the frozen grass. “Please reconsider. Maybe we can be friends. Someday.”

  I wiped the tear away myself. “I don’t think so. This is it for us.”

  I trudged past him, shutting my eyes against the stares.

  Shanda hurried to catch up to me, linking her arm through mine all the way back to the dorm. Up the stairs to our room.

  Until I collapsed in a heap on my bed.

  An empty shell. No room for anyone but me.

  Chapter 12

  Black fog billowed around me, wrapping me in its swirling mist. An even darker forest loomed on the horizon. Pulling me in. Leaves crunched under my feet. Branches scraped my skin. Raw. Exactly how I felt. Something howled in the distance. A shrieking in the night.

  Notes of song trilled in the darkness. A gray fog tumbled in, grabbing onto my ankles. Pulling me out of the forest. Black branches lunged toward me. Charcoal vines snapped around my wrists. Strong tendrils wrestled me back into the darkness.

  Inside I screamed. Help me!

  The faint music jingled louder. A tune I recognized. The fog lightened. A spotlight swept by, scrubbing away the darkness.

  My lids fluttered open. Blue light illuminated the darkness. I reached for my phone.

  “Hello?” My voice was hoarse, not my own.

  “Lucy, it’s me.”

  I didn’t have to check the screen. I knew it was Bryan.

  “It’s gotta be after midnight. What do you want?”

  “I want to see you. Tonight. Please, just let me explain.” His tone was gruff, all rough edges. Very unlike him.

  Shadowy tendrils crawled back in, curling around the ceiling, reaching for me. Just like in my dream.

  I swallowed hard, an ache searing down my throat. “I don’t know what there is to explain.”

  “Lucy, please. I have to see you.” His voice cracked, a sliver of desperation. “There’s more to say. I don’t want this to end.”

  Something bloomed in my gut. Hope. A tiny ember of light still burned in my heart. For him. Sending the shadows back to wherever they came from.

  “Fine, what’s your brilliant plan?” My words were breathy. Muted by exhaustion.

  “Thank you,” he sighed into the phone. “Meet you in the parking lot. I’ll pull Old Faithful up to the curb.”

  “Gimme ten minutes.” My stomach clenched, the ache settling there. How I’d miss that old girl.

  “See you soon, sweetie.” Click, the call ended.

  Sweetie. His last word lingered, like a pop to the head. Would that be the last time he called me sweetie? I rubbed my scratchy eyes.

  Quickly, I dressed in dark colors like the Guardian girls taught me. Black jeans, my MCA hoody under my black parka, black gloves and scarf. By tomorrow, would Brooke and Laura even be allowed to talk to me? They were Guardians, after all.

  I stepped out of my room and eased the door shut behind me so I wouldn’t disturb Shanda or any other prying eyes. I tiptoed down the dark hall. Was I doing the right thing? Would my angel come with me?

  The light in the stairwell flickered twice. It was Angel, telling me he was here. I just knew it, even if my foggy mind was going haywire.

  I padded across the empty lobby, into the kitchen, and creaked the window opened. I shimmied into the cold night. Jumping to the ground, I slunk across campus, skirting buildings and treelines. Staying out of sight. Much like a happier night months ago, when I’d snuck out with Brooke and Laura to find the secret Guardian tunnel. This time I was all alone, sneaking off in a different direction.

  Old Faithful purred at the edge of campus. I hopped in without a word.

  Bryan didn’t look at me, just sped away from the silent school.

  Silence cloaked the car, too. But I couldn’t be the first to speak.

  Old Faithful rumbled past the darkened shops, her pitter-patter chugs almost comforting. Except for the stoic Bryan sculpture beside me. Almost life-like, but still as marble.

  “Do you hate me?” His voice came out tinny and hollow. Like it resonated from miles away.

  I sucked in a brea
th. Held it there. Finally let it go.

  “I wish I did.”

  He deflated like a blown tire—hissing air, shoulders slumping in stops and starts. “Good. I couldn’t live with myself if you hated me.”

  I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t say I liked you much right now.”

  Corners of his marble lips curled. “That’s okay. I don’t like me much right now either.”

  “Good. At least we agree on one thing.”

  He turned his car into a space in front of the only lit-up building on the block. The Riverdale Coffeeshop. “Is this okay?”

  My heart seized. Not here—the diner where we had our first date. More like pseudo-date, really.

  “Fitting, actually.” My limbs tingled, turning numb. I just sat there, waiting for him to open my door, to lead me to my doom. At least he picked a window booth this time. Not the corner booth where we’d flirted and argued about Nexis. Ah, memories.

  Bryan ordered us coffees and I pointed to an anonymous pastry behind the glass display. The waitress asked if I’d like it warmed up. I must’ve nodded because she scurried off. She came back with a shiny coffeepot and a chocolate croissant. Like she knew what was going on here, even if my mind couldn’t register the concept.

  Once she disappeared, Bryan leaned across the Formica. “I’m sorry for the way things went down. I really am, Lucy.”

  He grabbed my hands, gripping tighter than ever. Warmth seeped into my fingertips, threaded up my arms.

  I shook my head against that warmth, wriggling my hands away.

  “Do you even want to hear my plan?” Each word was a soft staccato, punctuating the air between us.

  “You have a plan?” I glanced up, that ocean of blue sucking me in. I could barely breathe. So I nodded.

  His face brightened in the fluorescent light. “You don’t have to do this forever. Let’s say you spy on them for a month. Till the end of the semester, tops. Then you can come back. And we can be together.”

  I blinked and blinked … and blinked some more. His words just jumbled around in my brain. Not making any sense.

  When I didn’t say anything, he scooted closer. “We just have to keep this a secret. Until you’re done with your assignment. Then we can pick up right where we left off. If you can forgive me, that is.”